Parenting is quite a complicated job, especially in the times we currently happen to live in. You learn to be parents only when you happen to have a child of your own. No amount of advice from your own parents on how good a parent you should or shouldn’t be is going to help with your parenting issues. In fact, it is one of those things you have got to figure out on your own – or at least with your partner. As a parent you have certain parenting beliefs. Some parents rush to pick up a child whenever he cries, because they don’t want their child to develop insecurities. Other parents let a child cry it out as they don’t want to spoil him. Similarly, some parents make it a point not to say no to their child, and would rather distract him.
However, when you leave your child in the care of a maid, no matter what your reason, you need to realize that all your parenting ideals are essentially sent for a toss. Just because you rush to pick up your child every time he cries doesn’t mean your maid does the same.
Society accepts the idea of people seeking advice and instruction, even regarding “natural” activities – we exercise naturally, but we hire trainers; we make homes naturally, but we hire decorators. Why should parenting, which is one of the most important roles one can have in life, be any different? Be a big believer in the importance of paying attention to one’s instincts. But what happens when the thing our instincts tell us to do isn’t working?
“When my first child was born, I fell fairly easily into my mothering role and was fortunate to share parenting responsibilities with my husband, who was comfortable in his role as a father. We also had the baby’s grand-parents for support and terrific role models. Despite all these factors in my favour, I still had countless moments when I felt at best unsure, and at worst downright inept. I needed advice and found it when I sought wisdom from those with experience, attended workshops, read, and shared struggles with other new moms in my mothers’ group. The more I sought opportunities to learn and the more I combined my gained knowledge with my gut instinct, the more assuredly and intentionally I made parenting decisions” wrote Meg Akabas in her book ’52 Weeks of Parenting Wisdom.’
Information and guidance are tools that will go a long, long way in helping you parent intentionally, so avail yourself of as many resources as you can. You’re not “outsourcing,” you’re working to become a more successful parent.
Remember, as philosopher George Santayana said, “The wisest mind has something yet to learn.”
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION
- In what area do I feel most confident as a parent?
- What are the most significant positive changes I have made in my parenting in the past year?
- What changes have I seen in my children as a result?
- What areas could still use improvement?
Source : 52 Weeks of Parenting Wisdom by Meg Akabas