- What you do matters. This is one of the most important principles. What you do makes a difference. Your kids are watching you. Don't just react on the spur of the moment. Ask yourself, 'What do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to produce that result`'
- You cannot be too loving. It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love, he writes. What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child material things in place of love -- things like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions.
- Be involved in your child's life. Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs to do. Be there mentally as well as physically.`Being involved does not mean doing a child's homework -- or reading it over or correcting it. Homework is a tool for teachers to know whether the child is learning or not "If you do the homework, you're not letting the teacher know what the child is learning.
- Adapt your parenting to fit your child. Keep pace with your child's development. Your child is growing up. Consider how age is affecting the child's behavior. With a 13-year-old, the problem could be a number of things.
- Establish and set rules. If you don't manage your child's behavior when he is young, he will have a hard time learning how to manage himself when he is older and you aren't around. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these three questions: Where is my child` Who is with my child` What is my child doing` The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself.
- Foster your child's independence. Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence helps her develop a sense of self-direction. To be successful in life, she's going to need both. It is normal for children to push for autonomy. Many parents mistakenly equate their child's independence with rebelliousness or disobedience. Children push for independence because it is part of human nature to want to feel in control rather than to feel controlled by someone else.
- Be consistent. If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child's misbehavior is your fault, not his. When parents aren't consistent, children get confused. You have to force yourself to be more consistent. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your non-negotiables. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it.
- Explain your rules and decisions. Good parents have expectations they want their child to live up to. Generally, parents over explain to young children and under explain to adolescents. What is obvious to you may not be evident to a 12-year-old. He doesn't have the priorities, judgment or experience that you have.
- Treat your child with respect. The best way to get respectful treatment from your child is to treat him respectfully.You should give your child the same courtesies you would give to anyone else. Speak to him politely. Respect his opinion. Pay attention when he is speaking to you. Treat him kindly. Try to please him when you can. Children treat others the way their parents treat them. Your relationship with your child is the foundation for her relationships with others.
- Talk to your spouse or partner. If you are raising your kids with your husband, wife, or other committed partner, get on the same page.